I lie there think about it for a while. Am I being melodramatic? Is it really a problem? Then I read over yesterday's entry. I remember (or rather I remind myself ) that I cannot drink moderately. It's always a full bottle and more often than not, two bottles of wine. I realise the voice in my head could be the 'wine witch' that I have read about. * AND ITS ONLY NINE O'CLOCK IN THE MORNING. It's ridiculous, I've given up drinking for months at a time and my resolve was never as shaken as it is today, a mere day after saying, 'That's it for good this time."
I think , "Am I being melodramatic (wouldn't be like me!)? Am I just doing this to get attention?" Ummmmmm hello, I'm writing an ANONYMOUS blog? Don't get me wrong, I know that I want attention in the form of support but this is hardly the thing I'm ready to start talking to my friends in real life about.
God, what am I really afraid of?
*. "...the wine witch. That’s the pet name I’ve given to the voice that seems to have taken up permanent residence in my brain, which turns even the most solid of resolutions into dust, whispering things like ‘Look! There’s only a small amount left in the bottle. You might as well finish it, or it’ll go off!’ Or ‘She’s poured a WAY larger glass for herself than she’s poured for you. Tip another slug in while no one’s watching.’ The wine witch is a great fan of the concept of ‘me time’. ‘It might be only 5 p.m., but you’ve had a hard day. You’ve spent all day being bossed around by people under the age of twelve and now it’s grown-up time. You’ve earned it.’ And the killer: ‘Everyone else is doing it too …’ " An extract from, The Sober Diaries by Claire Pooley
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